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When you first start seeing someone, it's all butterflies and rainbows.


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A conversation allows deep emotions to be shared, and the risk involved in opening up this way is not only worth it but necessary for real connection. Without the chance to express my feelings, the apology will be less meaningful, as reconciliation is strengthened when both parties have a say. Grammar rules are an invention.

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On the surface, these texts may seem like an acceptable way to handle daily communication, but they actually are all examples of ways to avoid conflict, from making lying easier to dodging in-person confrontation. The problems with texting begin with the way it reduces conversation to words or photos on a screen; the way it converts the interchange of human connection to brief, stilted fragments.

But is the sender really sorry, or the apology merely a brush-off to keep conflict at bay? And for that to happen, please silence your phone and leave it in your pocket.

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Texting breeds not just grammar and spelling illiteracy but, more importantly, emotional illiteracy as well. While I can hear that you are sorry, I also need a chance to say that I am hurt if we are really to resolve the incident. For an optimal experience visit our site on another browser. Opinion How do you text?

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Written words can hide a great deal of emotion, and if forced to leave a voice message or deliver news in person, your lie could come through because of weak intonation or guilt or both. Such actions take time and planning. Our skills for conversing are getting rusty and will only get worse as more people use virtual assistants, online shopping and other apps that help us avoid actually talking to another human being. That people are in touch through texting with greater frequency and immediacy than ever before means that, ironically, the opportunity for disappointment is also greater.

Why texting relationships are a bad idea

Please submit a letter to the editor. Even with a plethora of emojis and exclamation points, the absence of intonation muddles the communication.

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Do I appreciate a text from a patient that she is on her way and will be 15 minutes late? No matter how many crying emojis are used, this is just wrong.

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Maggie Mulqueen. Follow think.

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As a psychotherapist, I see this phenomenon almost daily, along with the unintended consequences it causes. Recently, a patient told me of a text she received from her husband who was at home with her at the time but unwilling to come upstairs and tell her to her face how angry he was.

And although texting enables more frequent contact, it also can be used to curtail conversation. Inside the battle between 'raindrop' and 'waterfall' texters.

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Maggie Mulqueen, Ph. IE 11 is not supported. Our increasing preference for texting over and phone calls creates a higher quantity of interactions, but it decreases their quality, harming our relationships. A good conversation is the best antidote to loneliness that I know. Mavericks with Ari Melber.

Reasons why people prefer texting

Patients often read me text messages during therapy sessions in hopes that I can decipher them, since without facial cues and tone of voice, it can be challenging to understand the intention of the message. Is your cold really that bad, or is the prospect of another family dinner unappealing? Indeed, preemptive apologies are offered in hopes of not having to deal with the consequence of having offended someone. Share this —. By Maggie Mulqueen, psychologist.

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Conversations that allow me to hear your voice, see your expressions and support true dialogue are still the gold standard for bringing us closer.

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Why does this one letter give us so much anxiety?


I call them parking meter conversations.


It is our computer, our organizer, our video game player, our camera, and more.


A few weeks later, when another friend texted me for New York City apartment-hunting tips, I asked her my new favorite question in return: Do you want to give me a call?